Sadness in the face of gladness
So today I took my last Boards tests, my last tests for Chiropractic school ever!!! So yea! But yet tonight as I sit here I am not so happy. I need a dose of my last blog. : )
But why? Why in the face of all this gladness and time to be joyful am I so sad and on the verge of tears?
Could it be....
1) I have 80 adjustments, 8 physical exams, 3 new patients to still get in clinic and not alot of time to do it in and feel helpless and like I am a loser and have to pay more money to stay longer like the other cool kids and get more time to finish up what people actually finished 3 months ago.
2) I am taking a self paced Gov. class to get my credits to get my bachelors degree when I graduate and realized I have two weeks to do it all in before the dead line because I took this week for Board Review and now I am stressing thinking I won't get it done and fail.
3) I am tired of living in a place of nothing, where I don't know where I am going, where to look, where to be, when I will get to get out.
4) I hate being alone and miss my boyfriend so badly that I can't stand it, and why should I , it's not like I haven't been alone without him for 3 years off and on before. Why is this weekend of 3 days so hard.
5) I have to stay here and take a test and miss all my girlfriends, friends and boyfriend have the time of their lives at a wedding in the mountains without me.
6) Feel like even though I have passed all my classes and Boards that in some way I am still a failure. (I think this is the biggest one) But why do I feel like a failure when there is nothing that I have really failed at except the clinic part of school, meaning, ....
How am I going to survive my own clinic, getting my own patients and keeping them when I can't even do that NOW in clinic, in the practice round?
Time for my tired mind, body and spirit to rest. Thanks for listening!
Keep your hopes up for me, there is some out there yet.
But why? Why in the face of all this gladness and time to be joyful am I so sad and on the verge of tears?
Could it be....
1) I have 80 adjustments, 8 physical exams, 3 new patients to still get in clinic and not alot of time to do it in and feel helpless and like I am a loser and have to pay more money to stay longer like the other cool kids and get more time to finish up what people actually finished 3 months ago.
2) I am taking a self paced Gov. class to get my credits to get my bachelors degree when I graduate and realized I have two weeks to do it all in before the dead line because I took this week for Board Review and now I am stressing thinking I won't get it done and fail.
3) I am tired of living in a place of nothing, where I don't know where I am going, where to look, where to be, when I will get to get out.
4) I hate being alone and miss my boyfriend so badly that I can't stand it, and why should I , it's not like I haven't been alone without him for 3 years off and on before. Why is this weekend of 3 days so hard.
5) I have to stay here and take a test and miss all my girlfriends, friends and boyfriend have the time of their lives at a wedding in the mountains without me.
6) Feel like even though I have passed all my classes and Boards that in some way I am still a failure. (I think this is the biggest one) But why do I feel like a failure when there is nothing that I have really failed at except the clinic part of school, meaning, ....
How am I going to survive my own clinic, getting my own patients and keeping them when I can't even do that NOW in clinic, in the practice round?
Time for my tired mind, body and spirit to rest. Thanks for listening!
Keep your hopes up for me, there is some out there yet.
posted by allison WONDERland at
10:09 PM
4 Comments:
Allison Patton! Need I remind you in spite of all your "failures" as you'd like to put it, you have about a million people that absolutely love and adore you?!?! Take a moment to absorb what you have to do to finish, pray for resolution, and know that in the end God has a plan for you. He will unveil that plan in His own time. In the mean time, it's my responsibility as a friend to help you through! Please call me when you're feeling down and need to talk...my line is always open and we always have a place for you to hang out and crash if need be...Love you Alli P! Jeff
By
Anonymous, at 7:27 PM
Thanks Jeff, you are a great friend. Today I was good. It's weird after I accomplish one huge thing on my plate my brain takes a sign of relief then freaks out for what is still on the plate and the time limit to clear it. I definately will call on you. Esp. if I need more patients. ; ) Love you!
By
allison WONDERland, at 10:19 PM
Keep your head up girl! You've come this far! I know the feeling you've got though, I just finished my last day of high school- and Im more bummed out than anything, just the overwhelming-ness of being done, plus switching focus to college and my hectic work schedule this summer!
But keep your eyes ahead and just take every day one at a time...you can do it! I believe in ya!
-Carly
By
The Creative Death, at 12:56 AM
it's ok to feel that way sometimes allison! Sometimes I even feel that way and every time you remind me that I am not a failure and neither are you :) ~i~
By
Aimee, at 2:38 PM
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